


Phantasmata

by medomai



Series: Fata Morgana [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medomai/pseuds/medomai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Vanitas hums the Mickey March Club March. Sora's heart is shared by a few others, but one in particular is stronger than the others. Maybe even enough to challenge Sora himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phantasmata

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by a themes comm on LJ I'm afraid I cannot remember. The prompt was "awake, asleep".

Sora should have seen it coming. It happened in small steps, inconsequential little slips towards shadows instead of the light. But then, it is often more difficult to notice shadows - by nature, they linger in the corners and niches that no one pays attention to. 

It had been months since he and Riku had crossed dimensions to come back home. Long enough that people were no longer surprised to see them at the grocery store, to get settled into a routine, to stop feeling heartsick about all his friends somewhere in the stars. It was the first time Sora had felt comfortable doing nothing in a long while.

Nothing went wrong in the Destiny Islands life. Old ladies made casseroles and brought them to his house to celebrate his homecoming. His teachers were very understanding and made special arrangements for him and Riku to catch up. Old friendships easily picked up where they were left off. His parents loved him, and they maintained a perfect balance between being overly affectionate and understanding their son had grown up in a way they couldn’t change.

After one hundred ninety six days of peace and pleasant dreams, the horrific nightmare was out of nowhere. It was melting out of his mind within seconds of his waking, but it didn’t stop Sora from jumping out of bed and emptying his stomach in the toilet.

When he was finished his conversation with the porcelain throne, Sora cleaned up and went to bed. He tried to brush the awful feeling of whatever he just dreamed about out for the rest of the night. He ended up tossing and turning until his alarm rang. 

“Man, you look pretty pale, Sora,” said Tidus, crossing his arms as he studied the ex-hero who stumbled into home room the next morning.

Sora laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He plopped down in his desk and neither he nor his friends thought anything more of it. On to ignoring the teacher take roll call.

o

The nightmare came again that night. Sora woke in a flash, already bolting for the bathroom. As his dinner and stomach acids boiled up his esophagus, the image playing through his head was a vaguely human-shaped shadow, lunging right for him.

Though he was awake, nearly blinded by the bright white lights of the bathroom vanity, it was still so real. Fear gripped him, his insides being squeezed by a painful vice that was not letting him go. He dry heaved until he choked, and sat wheezing in front of the toilet until he could breathe properly again.

“Argh.” Sora flopped back on the floor with a moan, hands clasped to his face. “What’s going on?”

When he felt his legs would support him, Sora got up and went back to bed. He managed to get a few more restless hours before the alarm this time.

o

In the light of the morning, the nightmare really did seem silly. Sora whistled on the way to school and his grin was firmly in place all day. After school, he walked downtown with Riku and Kairi.

“English class is such a drag,” said Sora, throwing his hands up in the air. “Most kids never have to read _Paradise Lost_ in high school.”

“We got lucky, I guess,” said Kairi, a twinkle in her eye. “It’s not the end of the world. We could be reading, oh, _Twilight_ or something.”

Sora and Riku exchanged a look while Kairi laughed.

“I don’t mind _Paradise Lost_ ,” said Riku. “It’s a story that follows the point of view of someone in the darkness, not just someone in the light, without flaws. I’m curious to see if anything parallels my... experiences.”

“Nerd,” said Sora, gently elbowing Kairi and making her giggle. 

Riku shoved him, and Sora nearly stumbled onto the road. “There are worse things I could be: uneducated - illiterate - _moron_.”

Sora stuck out his tongue, the jab sliding right off his back. “At least I didn’t know what the book was about before the teacher assigned it.”

Kairi covered her eyes as her giggles erupted into laughter. Riku shoved him again with a muttered retort under his breath, but a smile was tugging at his lips. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah,” agreed Sora. “So what are we up to tonight? If you say doing the class reading for tomorrow, I might have to fight you.”

“I could take you,” said Riku. “I don’t know, Kairi, what are we doing tonight?”

“Why don’t we go to the island?” asked Kairi. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting kinda tired of always sitting in a basement and watching movies.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” said Riku. “Let’s grab some burgers and do it.”

“Alright,” cheered Sora.

They hung out, traded stories about their experiences in the multiverse, and it was good.

o

The nightmare didn’t stop.

o

Sora plopped down at his desk. It was a new addition to his room, since his parents were insisting that he take school seriously. After all, he had a lot of catching up to do. Luckily for his pre-calculus homework, Sora hadn’t had the time to drop anything on it like every other flat surface in the house.

He seriously contemplated just skipping out on the assignment, but ten thirty marked the time and Riku would definitely be working on it right now. “How did I get such responsible friends?” muttered Sora. Leaning down to pull his books out of his backpack, Sora caught sight of something moving in front of him.

Heartless.

Bright yellow eyes, smoky black wisps rising from the body, claws extended -

Sora blinked and saw himself in the mirror. Normal, uniform-clad, tired Sora. Mathematics forgotten, Sora sat frozen in his seat and stared wide-eyed at the reverse image of himself. His heart was pumping so fast that his chest ached.

When the adrenaline cooled off a little bit, Sora slowly pulled his book of his bag and opened it to the assigned pages. He stared at pre-calculus for a few minutes, doodled a little, and then went to bed.

He had the dream again that night. He spoke to the shadow of himself, and his shadow talked back. Sora woke up with a frozen pit in his stomach. Every time he closed his eyes that day, he could only see his own face with an ugly smirk and bright yellow eyes.

o

“Listen up, bonehead. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake like that moron Leon told you. You are not special. You are made of the same decaying, organic matter as everybody else.”

“What?” Sora blinked awake to see he’d just interrupted Riku, Tidus, and Wakka in the middle of a conversation. He pushed on ahead, fighting the sick knot in his core that felt like accusation. “Did... any of you just say something?”

Wakka laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “Uh, yeah, I was explaining where the Aurochs are in the standings.”

At Sora’s blank look, Tidus spread his hands. “Our school team, the Aurochs? Blitzball?” Comprehension slowly dawned; Tidus snorted and turned back to Wakka where they picked up again. But Sora was back in his own world when he understood none of the other guys had said all that stuff. 

Riku just stared at Sora, now ignoring the sports shop talk. “Hey, Sora. I think you need some sleep.” He stood and grabbed their jackets from the corner of Tidus’ bed. “C’mon, I’ll walk you home.”

Sora nearly slapped his jacket out of the air, and he quickly tamped down the instinct. The jacket hit him in the face, but at least they didn’t think he was nuts. He played it off as not paying attention and started to put it on. “Jeez, I’m not your date, Riku,” he groused.

Riku rolled his eyes. “Yes, but you’re being kind of a girl, so...”

“Pfft, a girl like Tifa, anyway! She'd smack you for saying that.”

They amicably argued all the way out the front door.

“Hey, remember! Kissing on the first date is totally okay!” called Wakka as a parting shot. Riku and Sora threw glares over their shoulders on the way out, ignoring Tidus’ snickering. 

The door shut behind them and they stood on the front porch of Tidus’ house. The outside lamp shone down on them, making their shadows black and obscuring everything outside the circle of light. Neither of them looked at the other. After a few minutes of silence that felt like limbo, Riku finally clapped Sora on the shoulder. “Let’s get going, shall we?”

Sora turned to catch the tail end of Riku’s smile and followed him, hesitating for only a second.

As they walked through the alternating patches of black shadows and harsh lamplight, Riku tried to broach the subject of Sora’s mental state.

“So... Have you been okay, Sora?” he asked.

Sora paused for a second as he thought of different answers, but just shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess.” Riku levelled a flat stare at him.

Sora’s eyes flickered up to meet Riku’s for a split second then down to his feet. “Well, no. Not really.”

He tried to gather his thoughts. No words came to mind. He did the math and figured that they had about a fifteen minute walk to get to his house. That wasn’t enough time to get through everything, especially if he was pausing for long periods like this. Would it be worth it to try and explain everything?

“Sora?” prodded Riku.

Sora swallowed and decided to just go for it. “Uh, well, it’s really no big deal. I haven’t been sleeping well... Dreams, you know.”

Riku hummed an agreement and turned his attention off Sora’s face. He still radiated pointed interest, so Sora tried to keep his thoughts in order. It didn’t work.

“More like nightmares, I guess.” Sora laughed; it sounded strained even to him. “Pretty stupid, right?” He glanced over at Riku.

“Not at all,” said Riku easily. “I’ve had more than my share.”

Sora squeezed out another nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you have.”

“Tell me about them,” said Riku.

Sora hesitated. “I - I don’t know, Riku, it’ll sound ridiculous.”

“Dreams usually are, out loud,” said Riku, gently clapping Sora’s back. “I’ll tell you some of mine, if that’ll help.”

“No, that’s okay,” said Sora. “Um... In my dreams... Nightmares... I’m - god, this is stupid.”

“Mm.”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing for most of it. What I remember is, there’s this shadow. Human-ish. I don’t know. He attacks me, and I wake up. Well, he used to.”

“Used to?” asked Riku, looking over. Again, Sora couldn’t really meet Riku’s eyes and he laughed to shake it off.

“Yeah, it’s started changing. Now, he doesn’t attack me. He stands in front of me. He look exactly like me, except... With yellow eyes and this really awful look on his face. He’s this - god, he’s an _asshole_.”

Riku chuckled at that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Sora. “He stands there and talks to me. It’s not anything new, I’ve heard it all before. The kind of stuff Tidus says to Wakka or that you and me drop on each other. Except he really means it. This guy in my head, I think he really hates me.”

“You mean in your nightmares,” corrected Riku.

“Huh?”

“You said the guy in your head,” said Riku. “You mean in your dreams.”

“Oh, right,” said Sora. “Yeah.” 

They walked quietly for the next few minutes. Suddenly Sora felt the pit of dread grip his stomach when he thought of reaching home. Walking upstairs by himself in the dark, alone with himself.

Suddenly Riku turned to him. “Is there anything else going on besides the nightmares?” Riku’s eyes searched Sora’s and this time Sora didn’t - couldn’t - look away. It was a perfectly valid question, from one boy who’d experienced all kinds of spiritual and metaphysical darkness to another.

He thought about seeing a Heartless in the mirror and hearing his dream twin’s voice in the air tonight.

“No,” he said. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Alright,” said Riku. “...Did you wanna stay at my place tonight? My dad left on some business trip this morning. The house is mine for two weeks.”

“That sounds great,” said Sora quickly.

“Are your parents still up?” asked Riku.

“No, they’ve gone to bed already,” said Sora. “But I can write them a note, grab some things. I’m on the way, after all.”

“Sure. Tomorrow we can even ask if you can stay the whole time he’s away, if you want.”

“Cool, yeah.”

When they reached Riku’s house, Sora went to the washroom to shower and change. He tried to resist looking in the mirror, still feeling the shock of seeing something else instead of his reflection last night. He looked anyway. 

He flinched in anticipation, but he was the same. Bags under the eyes and skin a little pale, but nothing to suggest he was a Heartless. He double-checked his eyes for the merest hint of yellow, just to be sure.

Half an hour later, they were settled in the living room, dozing off to an action movie on low volume.

“Wow, I really didn’t think you’d blab to your boyfriend about your scary nightmares. _Don’t do it again_.”

Sora was too tired to respond and just let himself drift to sleep.

o

He was looking at himself again. Yellow eyes, that damn smirk, and Sora noticed that his hair was black and not brown.

His twin looked him up and down critically. “I have to admit, kiddo, in the beginning this was so not about you.” He caught Sora’s eye and winked. “I guess you’ve just been too much fun.”

This felt different. This was more vivid, more like being awake than ever before.

“Who are you?” snapped Sora. “Why are you doing this?”

“What?” asked his twin. “You don’t think I’m some part of you, subconsciously created from all your little sins? Trying to get ahold of you and wreak unholy terror on the world? Further the kingdom of darkness?”

“...You’re not?” asked Sora suspiciously.

The double laughed. It was a long, delighted, mocking laugh. “Ha, ha, no. No, I am neither part of you - thank God - nor do I have any agenda that goes further than screwing with you for shits and giggles.”

“I don’t understand.”

His twin leaned in close, propping an elbow on Sora’s shoulder. Sora didn’t bother to try and shrug him off. “Alright, let me play nice for a minute. My name is Vanitas. It means I am empty. I’m a hitchhiker of the soul that you picked up once and I’ve been with you so long I may as well be your shadow.” 

Sora tried to step backward, to get away, but Vanitas gripped Sora’s hair and yanked him back. 

“No, stop, idiot, you asked, and now I’m giving you answers,” said Vanitas. “Stop. Okay, let’s see. I’ve been trying to get outside for a long time now. Nothing works. So one day, I say, ‘hey, Vanitas, why not try seeing what you can affect with this big ol’ lug’?”

He shook Sora’s shoulders in a facsimile of brotherly affection; Sora shoved him as hard as he could and Vanitas stumbled off, laughing. He caught his balance, spun on the spot and faced Sora with his arms spread wide.

“So, you got me. The last little while... I’ve been messing with you. I’m just figuring out what I can do now. Nightmares? Very two months ago. I’m going to let you sleep a little, but keep your pants on, I’m just getting the hang of all this.” Vanitas pantomimed checking his watch, and glanced back up with a sly smile. “I’ll talk to you later, then, honey.”

Sora choked. He couldn’t think of what to say or think or do. The world around him melted into blackness before he could make up his mind.

o

The next morning, Sora woke up feeling utterly wrecked. “Ugh.” He sat up holding a hand to his chest.

Riku appeared around the nearby archway separating the living room from the kitchen. “Morning, sunsh - are you okay?”

“Mm,” Sora grunted. “Yeah, just gimme a sec.”

Riku waited for a moment. “Another nightmare?”

“Uhh...” Sora heaved another breath through the tightness in his chest. “Kind of? I met him last night. My twin. It was sort of a dream. He introduced himself.”

Riku’s face was carefully blank. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. His name is Vanitas. He said he was empty. Emptiness. Something. He’s a jerk.”

Riku came and sat cross-legged in front of Sora. “Did he say what he wanted?”

Sora shook his head. The blurriness was fading, but oh so slowly. “He just wants to keep going. He thinks it’s fun. No other reason.”

In silence, they both considered this. They sat for long enough that the loud sound of sizzling drifted in from the kitchen, making Riku jump to his feet. “Oh, shoot, I was making hash browns!” He dashed around the corner, back into the kitchen.

In spite of himself, Sora laughed. The tension was uncoiling now, so he stretched once more for luck and moved to join Riku in the kitchen.

“Oh, great, Sora, you grab a plate, the hash browns are edible,” said Riku, seeming very busy with a steaming frying pan. “There are also leftover pancakes my dad made on the dining room table. I just re-heated them so they should be good. Do you want eggs?”

“Uh, no, I’m good,” said Sora. He retrieved a plate from the cupboard and stood at attention next to the stove. “You’re being a bit of a mother hen, have you noticed?”

“For good reason,” agreed Riku as he doled out potatoes. “If I’m the mom, you can be the dutiful son and get the syrup and ketchup from the fridge. I’ll be in the living room.”

“My mom never lets me watch TV while I eat,” said Sora, lifting his nose up. “Slacker.”

“Well, we can’t all be like your mom,” said Riku. “Was that a shot? Did that sound like a shot?”

“Eh.”

When he had pancakes, Sora went in and flopped down on the floor next to where Riku was sitting and watching cartoons.

“This is the best Saturday I’ve had for over two years,” said Sora offhandedly, and Riku nodded decisively. They ate their breakfast slowly enough that the morning drifted into the afternoon and they were no longer paying attention to the television. By the time that one o’clock rolled around, Sora had drifted into a pleasant doze with sunlight painting his eyelids in honey tones.

o

Sora didn’t remember much of the next two weeks except that they were downright idyllic. He spent most of his time at Riku’s house, and the two of them chilled. Kairi came over for a few nights, and Sora held her hand when they watched the stars. She had this way that of turning her head to look at him out of the corner of her eye - it unnerved Sora, but he loved it. Everything seemed brighter when she visited.

Sora and Riku spent every night on the living room floor, either watching movies or talking until they passed out. Riku taught him how to cook bacon and helped with his homework. The actual homework was extremely dull, but Sora made sure Riku knew he appreciated the help. What with Vanitas’ head games, his grades were taking a hit. It was just a good thing that he and Riku were exempt from the standard examinations until they were caught up, because he knew he would fail.

“Sora?”

He jolted out of his thoughts. “Whoa, sorry, blanked out there.” Sora turned to Riku. “What’s up?”

Riku smiled, shrugging patiently. “I just asked if you wanted burgers. Last night you’re sleeping over, I could fire up the grill.”

“Would your dad be cool with that?” asked Sora. “I mean, that’d be awesome, but...”

“Yeah, he will. Let’s do it, then,” said Riku. “I’ll call Kairi.”

“Good,” said Sora. Within minutes, she had biked up to Riku’s lawn and the smell of propane was filling the air.

Sora bent over laughing when Kairi forced Riku to wear his dad’s apron with the words “Kiss the Grillmeister” before he put the patties on the grill. Riku waved his spatula at him, growling, but Sora only laughed harder. Kairi joined him in uncontrollable giggles, and soon the both of them were lying on the ground and out of breath.

“Go on,” said Riku. “See if I feed you two now. I’m always the only one ever doing any real work...” His good-natured grumbling devolved into unintelligible muttering that Sora presumed only Riku himself understood.

He did feed them. That night, they lay down on the lawn with canned lemonades and talked about everything. Their talk meandered back to their childhood days.

Kairi talked about her time in Radiant Garden, what she could remember of it. The old stories Grandma told her. The old castle where the guards were really nice. The faintest memory of a woman with blue hair.

Riku shared a memory he’d never trusted with them before. One day, while he and Sora were playing on the little island, a man had come and told him about Keyblades and other worlds and told him to be strong. He remembered it quite clearly, although the man’s face had blurred with time.

Sora sighed as he searched his memory for something the others didn’t know.

“There was this one time. I was trying to listen to the people all over the universe. There was another man, but I guess he was only about as old as we are now. He asked if we could share hearts for a while.”

There was a peaceful pause.

“Do you think he’s still with you right now?” asked Kairi.

“I don’t know,” said Sora. “I guess so.”

After another short pause, the conversation drifted to other things. When they packed in for the night, Sora stood up and blinked. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a blond boy standing under the streetlamp on the corner of Riku’s street. _Roxas?_

He shrugged and went to bed. Roxas hadn’t said anything, so he wouldn’t worry about it.

o

Sora woke up, already completely alert. His dream had been - well, it hadn’t been much of a dream.

“Roxas?” he asked aloud.

No answer. Then, slowly, a muffled voice shuffled into his head, as if shouted from a great distance. _Sora!_

“Roxas, what’s going on? I can barely hear you.”

Roxas’ response was difficult to make out at first, but when Sora figured out the word, his eyes narrowed and his fists clenched in the blankets on Riku’s living room floor. _Vanitas._

Sora willed Roxas to manifest, to be something that he could see in front of him. Misty and unclear, the vision of Roxas sitting cross-legged on Riku’s couch appeared. Sora was just glad Riku was asleep.

“Hey, Sora, listen, it’s pretty bad in there.” His previous Nobody wasted no time, diving straight into the issue at hand.

“In where?” asked Sora, confused.

Roxas pointed straight at him. “In your mind. Your heart.”

“Why, what’s going on? What’s Vanitas done?”

“So he managed to show himself to you,” said Roxas grimly. “You shouldn’t have noticed anything. We’ve been trying to fight him off, but to be honest, he’s winning.”

“He’s winn - Roxas, who’s ‘we’? Who else in in there?”

Roxas looked surprised. “I thought you knew. Ventus. He looks exactly like me. Or - ” he corrected himself, “I look exactly like him.”

“Does this have anything to do with the fact that _Vanitas_ looks like _me_?” asked Sora, a few pieces falling together.

“Correct,” said Roxas. “The two of them are like you and me, except it’s not the division between heart, body, and mind. Ventus and Vanitas are the light and darkness of the same person.”

“So why is Vanitas so much more powerful than Ventus? Than Ventus and us put together?” Sora gripped his hair. “Did he just have so much more darkness in his heart than others?”

“No,” said Roxas, slowly shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. Ventus is... Well, groggy is the best word I can think of. His light is almost not there. He exists, and I can tell his light is immensely powerful. He’s aware of the fight and has been able to tell me what’s going on, but he’s limited. It’s like he’s asleep.”

Sora rubbed his chin, and nodded thoughtfully. This all was extremely valuable. It seemed like a good rule to know who was taking up residence in his head.

“Listen, Sora, I can’t stay. Vanitas has been difficult and hasn’t let up at all. I need to go back. I’ll talk to you later?” He sounded so apologetic, Sora had to laugh.

Waving his hands to shoo him away, Sora said his thanks and goodbyes. As Roxas’ weak image was dissipating into the air, Riku rolled over on his spot on the floor and pierced Sora with a stern look.

“Spill,” he said. “Only hearing one side of the conversation only gives me so much.”

Sora’s lips twitched and he gave Riku the full report.

o

“So including Roxas, you basically have three other people living in your head,” said Riku, waving his popsicle stick in the air.

“And I thought just Naminé was overcrowding my headspace,” murmured Kairi.

Sora just licked his sea-salt ice cream out of a lack of anything to say.

“Huh,” said Riku. “You know, Sora, I don’t think you should be by yourself. Not to smother you or anything, but I don’t think it’s safe. Maybe we could get our parents to let me crash at your place or something, just until Vanitas is under control.”

“Agreed,” said Kairi. “I can try and convince my parents to convince your parents. What should I tell them?”

While Riku immediately starting hashing out an answer that would make Sora’s parents take notice but not call the closest mental hospital, Sora just sighed and looked around. His eyes swept the small crowds where they were on the beach terrace and back to Kairi where she was patiently pointing out that hallucinations definitely should not be part of any explanation to their parents.

A second later, and Sora double took to scan the sea of people again.

There. A boy his height with a blond head of hair, leaning against a palm tree on the beach. He was facing away from the terrace and towards the ocean.

Sora started jogging towards him without thinking about doing it. He slowed down as he approached the tree and stepped carefully beside the tree so he could look at the boy without seeming particularly interested.

He almost called out Roxas’ name but the smile on the blond’s face was tenderly peaceful in a way Roxas had never achieved. Sora struggled to remember who Roxas said this was, but couldn’t make the name manifest.

“Hello?” he said.

The blond’s eyes opened, and he beamed. “Hey, Sora,” he said.

Sora couldn’t resist smiling back. “Hey, uh...”

“Ventus.”

“Ventus,” repeated Sora.

“How are you?”

“Um,” Sora broke off in a chuckle. “I’m, uh, I’m doing okay.”

Ventus’ eyes were twinkling as though laughing along, though his face remained in a pleasant smile. “That’s good to hear. Things are pretty rough, aren’t they?”

“...Yeah. It sucks.”

Ventus’ smile faded slightly, and he nodded in agreement. Turning away from Sora now, he breathed in deeply and let it out. “How has Vanitas been treating you?”

Sora’s mouth twisted and he shrugged, glad Ventus had taken his eyes off of him.

The sound of approaching footsteps in the sand made both of them turn to watch as Riku and Kairi ran up to where they were.

“Sora! What the heck?” Riku asked. Kairi just stared at him in bewilderment.

Sora glanced at Ventus’s amused smile, and then he raised his hands in a helpless gesture. Riku looked to the tree, then looked askance at Sora.

“Roxas again?”

Surprising both Sora and Riku, Kairi shook her head. “No, it can’t be. Naminé would have said something.”

“It’s Ventus,” said Sora. “He came to... Why _did_ you come?” He directed the question at Ventus.

Looking sombre for the first time in the conversation, Ventus sighed. “Just to have you meet me for once,” he said. “I can’t do this again, I don’t have the strength. It’s going to get more difficult. I just wanted you to know I was here.”

“Oh,” said Sora. “That’s... good, I guess.”

“More than you know,” said Ventus. “And you guys can call me Ven.”

“They can’t see or hear you,” Sora pointed out. He ignored Riku crossing his arms in his peripheral vision.

Ven smiled again, looking secretive and happy. “That doesn’t mean they aren’t part of the conversation. Tell them I say hi.”

“Will do,” said Sora.

“Sora... It’s okay to be weak, you know? You have friends who will be strong for you.” Ven stepped away from the palm tree and in front of Sora, looking straight into his face. Sora was slightly taller than him and it surprised him. “It’s good that you try to be strong for yourself, but everything doesn’t depend on it. Okay?” He stepped away. “Have hope - ”

“Sora?” Kairi called his name tentatively. “Is everything alright?”

Sora glanced at her. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s gre - ” He turned back to Ven but suddenly felt off-kilter. The blond was staring at him, face frozen in the exact same smile, but something was off. “Great,” finished Sora lamely.

Ventus twitched, and Sora leaned forward, intent on catching what had just happened. “...Hey?” A giant, toothy grin stretched Ventus’ face and Sora noticed that whatever was different, it was in the eyes. Yellow. Ven’s eyes were blue, like Roxas.

“Good job,” said Ventus’ voice, except Sora knew it was Vanitas. “Wanna play again?”

Sora sucked in a breath.

\---

“You awake, Sora?”

Sora gasped and jumped to his feet. He went from horizontal to standing so quickly, he was lightheaded for a moment; he caught Riku’s shoulder to steady himself . “Whoa.”

“Careful, man.” Riku held Sora’s elbow until he was sure the moment of dizziness had passed. “Another nightmare?”

Sora looked at him in confusion. “I wasn’t asleep, I was - we were - ”

Riku’s eyebrows raised in interest as he waited for Sora to sort himself out.

“But we just - we were just at the terrace. The three of us. We - ” Sora looked around. “This is my bedroom.”

“Yeah,” said Riku easily. “I’m crashing in the guest room, remember? That must have been some dream.”

“Where are Mom and Dad?” asked Sora.

Riku sat down on the edge of Sora’s bed while Sora stood watching him. “Since it’s a Tuesday and thus a regular work day, both of them are at work. They’ll be home at the usual time. Are you okay?” Riku’s breezy attitude was quickly morphing into worry. He hadn’t been worried all this time, Sora thought, so this was turning into a Big Deal.

“What?” he asked. “I’m sorry for worrying you, I’m not going crazy, I promise. I just... I just... I was just meeting Ventus.”

“Sora, that was...” Riku trailed off feebly. “That was Friday.”

Sora’s knees found the floor and he quickly plopped down into cross-legged position to steady himself. “No. No, that’s not... No. No!”

Riku’s wide-eyed silence convinced him. Stunned, Sora dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face vigorously. “Wait,” he said. “Just wait a second.” Sora raised his head after thinking a moment. “What happened on Friday? At the last second, Ven disappeared and it was Vanitas taking over his body. Or, mental projection, I guess. I don’t remember anything after that.”

Having a place to start looked like it relieved Riku’s burden immensely. “Kairi could tell something was wrong. Naminé was paying close attention and told her you were in danger. I grabbed you and took you away. You weren’t resisting or fighting or anything, you just came along, so I thought everything was fine.”

“So... I seemed fine for the last three days? You didn’t notice anything?” asked Sora.

Uncomfortable, Riku shrugged. “I guess so. You snapped out of it in a few minutes when we took you away and you said Vanitas appeared, and it just hit you hard. You seemed to be fine. All this time...” Riku gave a strained chuckle. “We played Call of Duty last night.”

“Ah,” said Sora. He seized his hair in his hands again, straining to remember the events after Vanitas took over Ven. Nothing. _Nothing, nothing, nothing._

“Hey,” said Riku, “why don’t we go see Kairi? Maybe Naminé will have thought of something we haven’t.”

“Sure,” said Sora, because there was really nothing else to be done about it.

When they biked up to Kairi’s house, she was sitting on her porch in a sundress and reading. “Hey,” she called to them happily, but she caught the serious mood of her boys right away and she tucked her book away. “What’s wrong?”

“Sora can’t remember the last three days or so,” said Riku seriously. “Everything that happened after the beach.”

Kairi looked at him for a second, then blinked. “ _Oh._ Sure, hold on.” She raise her right hand and pressed her fingertips against her temple before they could say anything else. In a moment, she had lowered her hand and walked up to look Sora in the eye. “Hello, Sora.” Her smile was all Kairi, but the gleam in her eye was another girl.

“Naminé?”

She nodded and Sora smiled politely. “Hi. Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

“I think I can help you,” she said. “Would you two like to come sit on the porch? There’s hot chocolate and coffee ready in the house.”

Sora opened his mouth to accept and the world went askew when he saw Vanitas sitting on the porch steps, arms around his knees and grinning like a fool.

“Sounds great,” said Riku, and he was already walking forward. Sora pressed his lips together when Riku walked right through Vanitas, who seemed to enjoy being intangible. Naminé walked through him next. Sora stepped to the side of the steps around the boy on the steps, but as he passed, Vanitas vigorously waved his arm through Sora’s legs anyway. He grit his teeth and carried on to the house.

There was a small clatter as Vanitas stood up and ran up the steps after them. “Wait for me.”

Holding his shoulders high and tense, Sora marched into the kitchen. He sat at one of the chairs and desperately tried to pay attention to what Riku and Naminé were saying.

“What would you like, Sora?” asked Naminé.

“Coffee’s good,” he said. “Lots of cream, lots of sugar.”

Riku rolled his eyes and pulled out a mug. “I can see this conversation going so well with Sora wired.”

“Hey,” said Sora reflexively.

“So no one’s going to ask what I want?” said Vanitas, sitting opposite Sora. “If our darling witch will play a good host, I want a latte, with butterscotch in it.”

When the drinks were made, the other two came and sat at the table. Naminé opted to take the chair opposite Sora that Vanitas was currently seated. She overlapped with Vanitas’ image, and he stood but not before Sora caught his lip curling with disgust. The expression was gone before Sora could blink and as Vanitas studied the new situation, he almost thought he had imagined it.

Riku and Naminé were still chitchatting, so Sora sipped his coffee and discreetly watched Vanitas prowl the kitchen. He choked and had to clear his throat when Vanitas leaned down to sniff Riku’s hair.

“Something wrong?” asked Riku, turning to him in concern.

“Nothing,” squeaked Sora.

Vanitas snorted. “Of course something’s wrong. Your boyfriend smells like fruit. He apparently showers like a woman.”

“Hm,” said Riku. “Well, we should get to the point. Naminé, do you know why Sora can’t remember the last few days?”

“Just a guess or two,” said Naminé apologetically. “I’m sorry I have nothing concrete.”

Vanitas came and sat on the empty chair right beside Sora. He heaved a deep sigh, leaning back in the chair and throwing his feet up on Sora’s lap. “So she’s probably wrong, then. You’re wasting your time here, kiddo. There are much more fun things to do around here.” He shuffled his legs around for effect.

Sora stiffened and resisted the intense desire to shove Vanitas off. “Well, let’s hear it anyway,” he said firmly.

“Alright,” said Naminé. She folded her hands in front of her and studied them for a minute before she began. Vanitas prodded the inside of Sora’s knee while she gathered her thoughts; Sora bit down on his cheek to stop himself from reacting.

“I believe that are two possible explanations as to why you might be losing memory. The first and most obvious is that Vanitas has somehow accessed your memories inside your heart and has been tampering with them. The point of contact would have been Friday at the beach when you saw him briefly.”

Vanitas chuckled, and started humming a tune that Sora knew but couldn’t name off the tip of his tongue.

“The second is that Roxas and Ventus are sealing away the memories that are harmful to Sora until later.”

Sora and Riku perked up and sat up in their chairs. Sora used the opportunity to sweep Vanitas’ legs off of him.

“Those are the two options?” asked Riku. “That’s a lot better than I was expecting. And if it’s the second one, then it might be for the best, in the end.”

Vanitas snorted loudly in the middle of his song, then kept going. It took a lot of effort not to glance at him.

Naminé shook her head and cautioned Riku. “No, we don’t know that. I’m not even fully confident that it’s only a matter of the heart. It might turn out that Vanitas has been able to affect Sora’s brain and can alter his physical memory banks.”

Vanitas’ song came to an end and he stood up again. He raised his arms to stretch languorously, and he left the table, out of Sora’s eyesight. Sora turned around to watch him, but Vanitas just seemed to be inspecting the kitchen.

“Sorry, thought I heard something,” he muttered to the others. “Well, do you actually think it’s physical?”

Naminé hesitated, but she shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. There’s something more than just Sora’s mind that separates his heart from his body. I can’t say I can explain it to someone, but from my own abilities which have always been extraordinary for a Nobody, it shouldn’t be possible. I just don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves.”

“Well, let’s be optimistic and assume that right now, it’s only Sora’s mind that Vanitas has access to,” said Riku.

“You know what happens to the arrogant?” asked Vanitas rhetorically. “They fall.”

“Of the two,” continued Riku, “ which do you think it is? Vanitas or the others?”

“I couldn’t say,” confessed Naminé. “If this happened before, then I could check Sora’s memories myself. But now... My power over Sora’s heart isn’t very strong anymore.”

“Could you try?” asked Sora.

Naminé smiled. “Sure.”

Sora went up, and after covertly checking to make sure Vanitas was still standing there, went to sit beside her. Kairi’s cool hand on his face felt nice. Nicer than he’d felt in a long time. He relaxed into it as Naminé worked.

After a few minutes, Naminé started shuddering. Sora frowned as he watched, but she didn’t say anything or seem to be in trouble.

Footsteps clicked on the kitchen tile.

A pair of gloved hands reached from behind and covered Sora’s eyes. “Shhh... Just hold on a second, there. One little moment...”

\---

Later that night, Sora was attempting to figure out pre-calculus again.

“Hey, Sora!” 

Sora looked up to see Riku waving at him. “Hey, Riku, what’s up?”

“Not much.” Riku leaned against the doorjamb of Sora’s bedroom. “I just finished writing that book report, so did you want to grab the other guys and do something tonight?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly, flipping the math textbook closed. “Yes, I do. What were you thinking?”

...

\---

Sora blinked awake to see palm branches waving above him. He turned his head to see Kairi sitting above him, and he faintly registered the feeling of her hand in his hair.

“Kairi?”

She smiled down at him. “Hey, sleepy head.” She looked so tired. Sora reached up to touch her cheek, and her eyes brightened.

Sora glanced around as best he could from the ground but saw nothing. “Where are we? Where’s Riku?”

She breathed a sad, little sigh. “We’re taking a little vacation. Riku’s around.”

“Memory loss again.” With a deep frown, he accepted this with mixed worry and resignation. Sora slowly sat up. He looked around, and found they were on a beach, but not one he recognized. “A vacation, huh?” He stood up and started walking around, and Kairi let him.

“Be careful,” she said.

“Okay,” he called. Sora didn’t intend to walk out of sight, so he just went up to the water’s edge and contemplated sleep.

The waves lapped at his bare feet. A whisper at his ear, and Sora turned to see Vanitas standing there. His double leaned in and slung an arm over Sora’s shoulders.

Vanitas mouthed something but he couldn’t make out what was being said. His legs buckled.

\---

“Hey.”

He turned to see Kairi smiling gently at him. “What?”

“Do you wanna go get ice cream?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. Kairi waved down Riku, and the three of them went into the town. It wasn’t home, but it felt immensely relaxing. He didn’t bother asking where they were. Sora felt as though the twenty minute walk enveloped him in a cocoon of warmth and safety. It was muffling, but nice.

Riku had the munny purse and paid for all of them.

“Maybe we could catch a movie later,” offered Sora, and the other two sounded their agreement.

\---

Sora woke up in a slightly musty room, well-lit by a large window. Immediately he sneezed, but panicked because he didn’t hear anything except a dull ringing.

Riku popped his head in the door and came in when he saw Sora awake. Riku’s mouth moved; no words came out. After a few more attempts at speaking, Riku seemed to understand what was going on, as Sora stared at him in escalating panic.

He tried to speak, and Sora felt his mouth move, but still nothing. To his horror, his eyes started burning and his throat swelled until it was hard to breathe. Riku didn’t seem to care, and instead sat down and pulled Sora’s head towards his shoulder.

Sora seized hold of him and didn’t dare let himself make eye contact. He let himself cry for a short while, then pulled back and turned away to rub his eyes.

Riku got off the bed and left the room. Embarrassed that he’d chased his best friend out of the room, Sora fidgeted and figured he’d better get up. But Riku came back right away, pen and paper in hand.

 _‘Are you okay?’_ Riku scribbled. Sora hastily nodded.

Riku nodded back and wrote something else. _‘Do you want anything to eat or drink?’_

Sora shook his head. He tried to say "not hungry". It seemed to work because Riku nodded again.

‘ _Do you remember a long time ago, when we were about five? That one night you knew there was someone sad?’_

Sora shrugged and tipped his right hand back and forth for “so-so”.

More writing. _‘I think maybe it’s the same thing now. Maybe this isn’t about fighting. Maybe you just need to open your heart and listen.’_

Sora looked long at Riku, not knowing how to respond after reading that. He vaguely remembered something about this, a long time ago standing under the stars together. He nodded and studied the paper.

Riku ruffled Sora’s hair and left the room, leaving Sora to his thoughts. He hardly noticed. He mouthed the words to himself as he repeated them over and over again.

Open your heart and listen.

\---

Sora’s breath let out in a soft, but deep, sigh. His eyes slowly climbed open and he startled to see himself standing on the glowing platform of what he thought might be his heart.

He looked down and stared at the stained glass image. He chewed on his bottom lip as he considered how darkly tainted some parts seemed to be.

“Hey,” said a voice behind him. Sora whirled around and saw Roxas, waving half-heartedly.

“Roxas!”

The blond came and stood next to him to survey the island. “Looks kind of rough, doesn’t it?”

“Uh... Yeah,” agreed Sora. “What’s going on?”

Roxas ignored the question and bent down over a patch that looked like tar had been spilled on it. “Let’s get this cleaned up, then.”

Sora knelt down to help Roxas do whatever he was doing. As they worked, Sora felt an increasing pressure on his chest. Lightly he touched it, and then Ven was hugging his knees beside them.

“Ven!” said Sora, too startled to continue.

Roxas tilted his head briefly with one of his rare genuine smiles. “Hey, there, stranger.”

“Hello, Sora, Roxas,” said Ven. “This is it, then?”

“Yep.”

Sora was too confused to ask questions. The three of them worked in relative quiet, running their hands over coloured glass, until the platform was clean and glowing as brightly as Sora ever knew it to.

“Good job,” said Ven, and he vanished as abruptly as he’d appeared.

“Roxas, what’s - ”

Roxas interrupted. “Don’t worry about it, Sora. It’s not totally over with Vanitas, but it is for you. Get up there, your friends have quite the story to tell you.”

“But I don’t know anything that happened!” said Sora, throwing his hands into the air.

“You will,” promised Roxas. At Sora’s reluctance, Roxas actually laughed. “You have two very concerned friends up there who have answers, three if you count Naminé.”

“But, my memories,” insisted Sora. “Was - was any of it real?”

Roxas looked at him seriously. “It doesn’t matter. It was all real here.” He gestured around Sora’s heart and the surrounding darkness. “If it’s real here, then... It’s real for you, and that’s what will change you. Now seriously, get out of here.”

Sora began to smile in return, but everything was fading before he could say good-bye.

\---

Sora woke up. Riku’s and Kairi’s faces jumped into his sight right away.

“Sora?” asked Kairi. “Can you hear me?”

He reached up and touched Kairi’s cheek. “Yeah.”

Her answering smile was bright. “Everything’s going to be okay now, Sora.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am eternally frustrated and vexed by this one. It was a really fun concept and it was lot of fun to work on, but then it fizzles. I couldn't seem to make it hit as hard as I wanted without bloating it, or making it nonsensical. It's been sitting in my wip folder forever while I fiddled and hemmed and hawed, but I thought better to just post it, and just admit that it's a concept piece that could use some work. 
> 
> I posted my thoughts at the bottom because I didn't want to taint anyone's experience before they could read it for themselves. If anyone has thoughts, advice, whatever, I'd be happy to take it and try again. I just can't stand to look at it anymoreeeee
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
